Monday, August 17, 2015

Patchwork Thoughts - Cranky Cows

Hey!  So far I'm doing pretty decent at this "sticking to a schedule business" and that feels pretty darn awesome!  I have been stressed with work for quite sometime and having this outlet waiting for me reminds me why I started this blog in the first place: I like writing.  Even if many people aren't actually reading my articles, it is doing great things for my writing skills.  I'm finally cleaning a lot of cobwebs that have been clinging in my brain for a while now.  I have also been journaling a lot more, which have also done wonders for me.  I feel more focused and clear with my style.  I am getting back into my grove of having the distinct voice that makes my writing style mine.  Also, I am writing and not hating everything I say.  Being a natural pessimist and my own worst critic, that is a major milestone for me!

Now for the less fun parts of life.  I have been miserable with my job I've been working for two years now.  I was miserable from the start, but the fact that I'm not finding new work has been amplifying my stress.  I keep reminding myself (as does my husband) that I'm making a career lane change, so my experience isn't quite what the jobs I'm applying for want.  I got out of college certain that I was going to be an event planner, but I will be honest, I romanticized that career a little too much in my head.  I am good at event planning but I don't like working odd hours and the rewards are too few and far between.  Bitching and moaning aside, I am trying to rediscover what I should do with the rest of my life.  In a perfect world, I would become a full time writer, stay at home, drink coffee, and crank out best sellers all the ling-long day.  Maybe someday that will happen, but for now, I need to stick on a plan B to pay the rent and put food on the table.

My last blog about nerd rage helped me reflect on how much I need to focus on turing negatives into positives.  I can be pissed for a while but then I need to take that energy and do something productive with it.  If I don't, I will just be a destructive mess that no one wants to be around.  I'm hoping journaling and writing will be that outlet and I hope to couple that with a more physical outlet, like meditation and yoga.  Think of it this way, it's okay to have a few cranky cows in your herd, as long as you keep them in a pen where they won't beat up the other cows.  I have a lot of cranky cows I've been penning with chicken wire, when what I really need is a sturdy fence.  It's going to be a lot of work building those fences, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

Huh....that was a random analogy.  I love it!  It's so good to say something silly and not get mad at myself that no one will understand or that I'm being too weird!  So much yay!

How have you guys been feeling lately?  Are you building any fences for the cranky cows in your life?

Xoxo, tootles!

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