I'm Playing a Video Game?!

[Insert apology about being on hiatus again]

Annnnndd.....we move on.

So you know how there are some people who have ready everything about Mona Lisa that they've become experts on it?  They study all the books, they know all the methods and thoughts that went into it's creation.  Heck- they might even be experts on all art in that era just to understand how big of a impact the Mona Lisa had on the world of art then and now.  But let's add to this idea that this expert has never seen the Mona Lisa in person.  Sure, they've seen copies or pictures in books, but they have yet to ever see the painting face to face.  This might automatically hurt this person's creditability no matter how extensive their knowledge is, because they don't have the full background to pump their knowledge up.  Well this is how my relationship with video games has always been.  I have researched video games for a long time now.  I've read and watched a lot of videos that give me both the history of video games and where they might just go in the future.  Still, and let's be frank here, I rarely play video games due to one simple fact, I suck at playing.

That is, until The Walking Dead game came along.

Once upon a time my boyfriend, with the help of my brother-in-law decided to build a fancy new computer.  This would finally allow him to play many of the games he had been missing out on in the last couple of years.  I, being the typical weary girlfriend, was curious to see if any of the games he would be playing would be what I like to call "Soul Suckers".  I'm talking about your Wows or LOLs, you know, the type of games that take an individual deep into the depths of Hades for all eternity. So when he downloaded Skyrim I was relieved because for some reason I find this game very none threatening.  He found a few other games like Witcher 2 and so on where I silently gave my blessing.  Then he told me about a game called "The Walking Dead" and I didn't know what to think.  I had heard of the television show, but if you know me than you'll understand that I do not handle the concept of zombies well.  The idea of being dead, mindless, and out of control of your own body (the one thing in this world that SHOULD be yours) terrifies to the point of many a sleepless night.

Here's my main man, Spike, to demonstrate my usual reaction

So when my boyfriend said, "Try it, I think you'll like it."  This was my reaction: 

No witty caption needed, the face says ALL!

But then he told me it was like Heavy Rain.  Look back at my earlier reviews, like waaaaaaay back, and you'll know how much I enjoyed Heavy Rain.  My interest was starting to peak, but still, I remember my boyfriend having to hit the controller with his nose because that game required him to hit so many buttons at once.  I don't have that kind of coordination....but then  he told me this game was on a computer (DUH to silly me!) and not a console and would therefore be boatloads easier to play.  

You want to know what I did?  I started playing.  He left to go to work, arming me with the most basic of instructions on how to use the controls, make decisions, and progress through the game.  You want to know what the one afternoon with that game did to me? 

Hook, line, and sink.

I was eventually screaming at the zombies approaching me in the game, yelling "Bull Sh**!" at the top of my lungs when I died, and (most importantly) having fun.  I'm for probably the first time in my life genuinely enjoying playing a video game.

Now not only does this game allow me easy controls for my less than agile hands, but it has a deep storyline that has always been one of my key draws to video games.  I get to make important decisions but am not always penalized for being too slow with the mouse.  In many ways, this game is the perfect introduction for me down the gaming rabbit hole.  I intend to see if this becomes my gateway drug or if this is simple one of those rare games to not only get my interest, but not lose me for my lack of skill.  

And this is where a new chapter will begin for all of us here at The Patchwork Nerd.  I am introducing a new series of articles I'd like to call "The Dead Diaries".  This will be both my confession to how I feel about this game but my thoughts on what it's like to go from a backseat gamer, so a fully loaded driver.  The articles will be produced at the mercy of when I find time to play the game.  I will also be doing my best to sprinkle in more regular articles about my typical content.  I hope you guys will all enjoy and take a nice long walk to the dead side with me.

Oh....and I've already had a friend warn me that this game might make me cry....so be ready for that too!

Now excuse me, I'm going to blissfully stroll back to this game to bash some skulls....

My badass strolling

I missed you guys ^_^

Tootles! 

Out of the Dungeon - There's Always Someone Guarding the Road or How to Not let You Alcoholic Minotaur Lose His Battle with Mead

It's Dungeons and Dragons story time (again) kiddies!  Gather around and let Patches the Bard tell you a tale about D&D and a little concept called "free will" when gaming. . . . and barrels of booze. . . .

Why does it seem that most my D&D experiences come from barrels?

Once upon a time (AKA a few months ago) my fellow party members and I were wandering down a trail in the forest, heading home after a long adventure in a cave involving a math mix-up, dark rooms for even those with low-light vision, and an angel that got all emotional with us.  We were tired and ready to reap the spoils of turning in our found items for rewards beyond our imaging.  There was one problem, our path was blocked by thieves and mind you these were some of the dumbest thieves I've ever encounter.  Bless their pathetic souls, though, because they still tried to take a "toll" from us.  Having a less than good natured group, we quickly took to fighting instead of paying and spent the remainder of the game bottle necked with these annoying bastards. We eventually took care of them and Zoob, our groups minotaur,  took to looting the thieves camp.  We didn't find much aside from a box we couldn't open (I don't talk about that box anymore because boxes have been known to make players cranky)  and some barrels of mead.  Zoob decided he was going to drink it....all of it....

(You should be reacting right now the same way you would if a 3 year old was about to put a plastic bag on their head)

We all tried to advise Zoob against this, but it was late and I guess he had nothing better to do.  Zoob drank a large portion of the mead and continued to sip as we walked.  Needless to say he got drunk, really fast.  I tried to slow him down by stealth-ing beneath him and making a small hole in the barrel, but that didn't help much considering he had already drank most of it. So we now had a drunk minotaur stumbling around and making an authentic ass out of himself....great!

 We decided to set up a nice, little camp in the hope that some sleep would do ANYTHING to help Zoob's condition.  It wasn't long into our watch that we were attacked (again!) by another group of thieves.  This time, the group was lead by one of the surliest of lady's I've ever met.  Long story short, I was playing an Avenger/Shifter and I attempted to charge this lady while on a cliff.  Now you'd think with an ability like my Oath of Enmity....Pronounced Like so....

....that I'd actually be able to hit the bitch?  Well, luck decided not to be on my side that day, and I ended up hanging off of a cliff.

Zoob was taking dramatic penalties to his attacks due to the fact that,

1.) He could barely stand
2.) He could barely move

It took a very long time and we were almost killed on more than one occasion, but we made it out alive.

As you can imagine, the players were pissed at Zoob for his decision.  I honestly thought it was a little annoying though I saw the humor in it.  I like it when people break up combat with something they create or do to make the game feel more interactive.  Sure, it can mess up a perfect game plan and almost get you killed, but that variety keeps things fresh and from becoming....

Nerd 1: I use "Blood for Strength". (Pushes up glasses)
Nerd 2: (Snorts) Give me a roll.
Nerd 1: (Rolls) 12 vs. AC
Nerd 2: (Evil laugh) Miss!  You die!

You see where that can get tedious and boring!?  I think the real goal with D&D is to find that balance between playing the attacks and such given to you and incorporating your own ideas.  Free will can make this more interesting, but it can also get you into trouble if you mess up.  The more I think about it the more I realize that you run that risk no matter what you do, so maybe it's better to have fun and do whatever the hell you want along the way.  Perhaps it should more so be up to the DM?  I'm honestly on the fence about this.  What do you guys think?  Should Zoob have been allowed to drink all the mead even if I meant jeopardizing the game?  What would you have done if you were the DM?  I really have no conclusions to this story and I want to hear you input.

Until next time,

Tootles!

In Control - The Botchy Battle of the Dragonborn

I know I promised to deliver my thoughts of The Hunger Games as my next entry but a recent Dungeons and Dragons game has somewhat distracted me.  On Monday night my group met.  This was a special session as our usual playing date is Thursday nights.  The week before we had a very long session in which we only fought one dragonborn (that WOULDN'T DIE) and a few skill challenges.  Long story short the group was demanding some battles or a mutiny would be underway.

For the record, you'd turn and run if you saw this guy chasing you, too!

Our DM, being ever so compliant, accepted our request and scheduled a special Monday game to make up for lost battle time.  We all showed up, got out our sheets, and fired away.  Little did we know of the blood bath we were about to encounter.

Here's the set up.  Our group had previously killed a dragonborn who was recruiting locals into joining his cult.  After we got our information out of him and took him out, we went to the cult and had our thief do some quick record grabs so we could try to get to the bottom of things.  Our night started out with us leaving the cult, turning the corner, and BAM!  Before us stood the same dragonborn we had just killed, bandaged up and with a small army of 5 or 6 dragon borns.  We turned and ran into the nearest building, barring the door behind us.

 It was on.

The beginning of the battle was a success.  Our 340lbs. Minotaur, Zoob, held the door shut, so that left only the windows to guard.  Funny thing is there were some conveniently place vats of cleaning solution scattered throughout the bar.  They were small, about a pony keg, and we managed to tip one out the window and onto some of the less than intelligent dragonborn.  Meanwhile, at the other corner our group bard, Magnus, was having some troubles hitting his target.  The dragonborn was coming through the window and was practically prone but for some reason, Magnus kept missing.  I guess hitting things isn't a bards speciality, so no one took notice.  Little did we know....

I assume the barrels looked somewhat like this....

Magnus, and our assassin, nicknamed "Pony Boy" (because his names too long to remember) were taking care of the two windows.  I wanted to be of some use, but there was only room for one person at each window.  This is where Zoob and I got creative.  I'm an avenger shifter named Rosie and I have what we'll just call a gift for climbing.  I got a barrel of cleaning solution (we are calling it acid now because it's quicker to type) and set it by the door that Zoob was barring shut.  I took my grappling hook, threw into one of the beams above the door and climbed up it.  Once I was high enough to be above the door without being in the way, I tied the rope securely around my waist and had Zoob hand me up a keg of acid (it had a lid).

The DM seemed intrigued with where we were going with this plan and the rolls were in our favor.  Once firmly in place with my acid, we decided to open the door.  One of the dragonborn came charging in, unknown to him, right below the very happy Rosie with a very full keg of acid.  I let it drop and the damage was amazing.  Zoob quickly shut the door before more baddies could get in and disposed of our new guest.  All the while Pony Boy had successfully dunked the head of a dragonborn attempting to get through the window in another vat.  He fell out of the window, onto a comrade, and into where the acid had spilt.  This was getting fun.  The acid barrel was plugging up the window, so Pony Boy went over to aid Magnus  who was still having troubles getting a hit on another window intruder.

Round two for the door acid was about to start.  Zoob opened the door again.  This time I splashed acid, hitting the remaining enemy who had been banging his hands to ribbons by tying to knockdown the door with nothing but his fists (He had lost his weapon trying to breakdown the door).  This might be where you'd say things started to go wrong....okay....this IS where this went VERY wrong.  The new guy wasn't too much of a problem, but our two baddies outside the window decided after their acid bath to try to get in again.  They succeed on getting in (though they slipped on some acid in doing so) and Zoob was worried about having two guys freely walking around.  He charged the two dragonborn.  The charge was so strong that he knocked both of the bad guys through the wall and into the next room.  YEAH ZOOB!   The problem was, little Rosie was left all by herself and she managed to get herself grabbed.  Magnus and Pony Boy were still at the window and their rolls were going down, fast.  Magnus started rolling nothing but 3's 5's and 6's.  The dragonborn weren't too hard to hit, but when they hit, they hit with vengeance.  Pony Boy did his best to quickly get out of battle, try to save my ass, then get to Zoob who was now in a battle of 2 against one.  All the while the rolls were SUCKING!  No one seemed to be able to catch a break (Well except Zoob who managed to crit twice in one night) and we were getting our health drained fast.  After escaping my grab, Pony Boy went off to help Zoob, only for me to get grabbed again!  Magnus came over, but still his bad luck continued.  By some stroke of a miracle we somehow ended up with one enemy.  He started to make a run for it, but we gathered what was left of our strength and took him down with one last volley of attacks.

Ps:  This is Magnus's dice.  It shall now forever be known as The Demon Dice!

I guess that just goes to show you how quickly a battle can take a turn for the worse.  It's not one players doing, it's a collection of bad roles and unfortunate timing.  We started off creative, and being this was a battle of level 2 characters against level 5 enemies, we really beat the odds.  I think we could have had a smoother ending if we would have kept up our ingenuity because in a straight up fight, I doubt we could have made it.  Looks like you always have to be ready to find creative solutions, that and, well- a keg of acid always helps.

First Impressions: Batman- Arkham City

To be completely honest I haven’t had much time to delve with extreme dedication into any games. There have been starts here and there, but one must understand that I am working under difficult conditions that being my availability to watch and my gamer’s time to play. Once finals are said and done we will be able to jump back into the portals (HINT HINT) of gaming- I promise!

For now I will do my best to feed you with my initial thoughts of Batman: Arkham City. It pains me to not fully dive down the rabbit hole of this game nonstop-especially after the gaming orgasm (Yes, that is the best way to phrase it!) that was Batman: Arkham Asylum- but I will take what I can get.

I’ve had high expectations for this game for a long time. Then again, I expect anything with the name Batman on it to be nothing less than a god sent, sans anything in the dreaded Schumacher stages :Cringes:. I guess you can say that after Nolan’s Batman franchise was born we Batman fans have been damn near spoiled. We expect everything to be perfect when it features the Dark Knight, and thank god for Arkham Asylum’s sake, this game delivers. But what about this sequel? We have seen more often than not where sequels take a big, dramatic, Disney villain -esque fall in the pits of shit land. It’s a magic place where Batman has nipples on his suit, Secret of Nim rat’s become mad scientists, and it’s okay to make the Rockbitter sing “Born to Be Wild” :stares fondly at gun:. So how does this game hold up?

To answer simply, it’s Batman.

Still confused? You shouldn’t be. It’s BATMAN!

We really need to consider making Batman a verb. It would really help prove my point. Here I’ll try my best

Batman /Batma’n/

Verb (pl. -men)

to both literally and figuratively kick ass to the point of mind-blowing awesome-ness.

It’s a work in progress, but at least I’m trying! Even though I have only begun the game, I promise you it’s a viewing experience like no other. THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD KIDDIES! ABORT THE RIDE NOW!

We start off with Bruce Wayne (yeah that rich guy) making a speech about how Gotham’s alternative to Arkham Asylum, called Arkham City, is about as effective as injecting a patient with fruit punch Koolaid to treat severe blood loss. He means to fix this problem. Not long after saying this he is arrested and taken to the city (I’m sure this will in no way reflect poorly on the Gotham legal system!) where he meets the head doctor and controller of Arkham, Dr. Hugo Strange (With a name like that, we have to be in good hands!). Not to give too much away, Hugo is on to Bruce’s “little secret” and sends the believed to be bumbling billionaire (despite having the freakin body of a juggernaut!) into the city. Not too long after we spring into Batman mode and need to figure out what Strange’s evil plan is amongst putting up with the many characters (AKA: SCREAMING NUT BALLS) that inhabit the city.

As far as watch-ability (Yes, Teacher, I’m SURE that is a word!), this games most of the time plays more like a movie than a game. You can use your radio to tune in on badies private conversations, so even if you’re stuck waiting for your player to finish leveling up some equipment or mastering a new trick, you’ve got plot related dialogue to entertain you. There a old favorites from the original game :cough: Quinn :cough: as well as fresh looks on some old favorites that didn’t show their beautiful, though sometimes disfigured, faces in the first one. You will be entertained by the mystery of it all, as well as how a lot of little stories eventually connect. There new tricks to familiar side quests like the Riddler’s challenges, so you won’t feel like you’re just rinsing and repeating.

If you need to watch someone play a game non-stop for three to eight hours, this one is the ticket. You will be satisfied with the story and not feel like you’re just watching someone button mash bullets through eighty thousand monsters. So get going my peoples to the city! We freaks need to stick together!

An Intro to an Impressionable Young Lady

I feel that some introductions are necessary before we dive in. First off, welcome to Beside the Controller! For those of you new to the site, this is a blog dedicated to a rarely covered view of video games- beside the person playing them. I have been a fan of games my entire life, but have never had a knack for playing them. I’m a naturally uptight person and the pressure of having to make quick decisions and a lack of hand-eye coordination has never made gaming bow well for me! Instead, I actually have more enjoyment watching others play videogames then playing them myself. OH CRAP- LOOK OUT! It’s flashback/story time!

Once upon a time I was a little girl with an older sister who rarely gave up the controller. I was okay with this and contently sat beside her, watching as stories like The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario, and Yoshi’s Island seeped into my impressionable brain. Soon I found myself sitting beside my Father, spewing out all the advice I could gather from the walkthrough manuals we had purchased for our Nintendo 64 games! Fast forward to present day and I still will sit happily beside whoever wants to play. I often have people shoving controllers in my face, certain that I have to be secretly upset to not get my turn. I politely push the controllers aside, pat them on the head, and warn them they forgot to pause and Glados is about to shoot them into deep space (sorry, currently watching a LOT of Portal 2…and though I haven’t seen her do that yet, I wouldn’t be surprised).

So hear is my perspective on the games I love so much! I will have little to say about actual controls and my views on game play may be limited. Being a game-watcher (we’re going to make that word now, spell check!) I focus mainly on storyline and a game’s atmosphere. If a game can make me perch forward on the couch in suspense or hide under a pillow from looming danger, it’s doing a good job!



All in all, I have a lot to say about videogames and I hope to keep you entertained. So sit back, put the controller aside, and let the games roll in!



Now deploying smooth jazz in 3 – 2 – 1 ….GO!