Babbles of a Fangirl - My Zombie Survival Guide

It is officially the most bewitching month of the year (and my personal favorite!) and what better way to celebrate the darkest days of the damned then with a good old babble about something truly horrifying....

MY FAVORITE DISNEY PRINCESSES!!!!

I kid, I kid....but you have to admit....I had you pretty scared!  Today we are going to explore something that has fascinated me for quite sometime....zombies.  

Back of the beginning of the year some of you might recall that I started playing 'The Walking Dead' video game and much to my shock....I fell in love with it.  I was going to write a whole months worth of diaries detailing the lessons I learned as a gamer.  Sadly that saga was lost the the murky swamp that was my former, soul sucking job.  I'm happy to report that I am in a new, equally soul sucking job that too keeps me away from all of you, but at least involves a lot less backless dresses and cigarette smoke (If you can guess what I used to do...and no it's not the obvious....I will let you pick the next blog topic).  Long story short, I owe you all a babble or two about zombies and what better month than the one that hosts Halloween?  So lets go!  Here is my zombie survival guide.  

1. Lose your FABULOUS ---- CHECK!

Confused already?  You need to get creative to get out of your zombie stuffed suburb and into the wilderness (I will explain that more in a later step) so the first thing you need to do is find anything you happen to have on your mid-out break to save your life.  If you are me it will probably all start in the middle of the work day.  You're thinking that not making your completely painful call goal of a 110 calls a day is going to be the most monumental thing that happen in your day, when suddenly....you see out your office window the hoards of zombies beginning to gather.  You need to get out of that building and you only have what on you to do so.  First thing, the heels are gone.  I'd rather be barefoot is this society of the damned than tromping in those walking trip traps.  A heel is a great way to bash an on coming zombies head.  Lose the jewelry too.  Those chunky necklaces you bought from Forever 21 for only $4.00 is a choking trap waiting to happen.  Pocket them...you might be able to scrap it for parts later, and push on.  Find a way to convert that restricting pencil skit into and easy moving pair of shorts and you are on your way.  Find the first REI and get bundled up because your next step is to....

2. Live in a icebox ----CHECK!

If you are from a state as frozen as the one I live in you will quickly find out that winter might cause your butt checks to freeze together, but it's a pretty useful tool in zombie survival.  Imagine it, all of the slow, sloshing along zombies are slowly met with a harsh chill that eases from slowing them down to flat our freezing them in their labored steps.  BAM!  Winter might suck due to the lack of heat caused by all of the electricity going out, but if you bundle up in you warmest pair of long underwear you will be bashing zombie popsicles the same way drunk, rednecks noodle fish from the river.

I'm serious....this noodling this is real.

The opportunity to reduce the zombie population significantly by spring aside, winter provides a great chance to save energy that will be needed when the weather warms up.  You will have more chance to improve shelters and find seclusion...which brings us to the next step to survival....

3. Become one with nature----CHECK!

Want to avoid becoming brain bait?  How about we get as far away from the cities as possible.  Cities provide more people, which means more chances for someone to kick the bucket and turn in a flesh eating nightmare.  The farther you are from crowds, the farther you are from the zombies main food source.  Sure there might be the wandering zombie in the middle of nowhere, starved and ready for a bit, but it's weakened defenses will give you a better chance of fighting it off.  Which brings me to my final tip.

4. The buddy system----CHECK!

Sure there is strength in numbers, more defenses and more ground can be covered for the things you will need to keep alive.  On the other hand, there is also strength is solitude, less people to worry about and all of the resources become yours. I prefer the buddy system.  If zombies are attacking you find your buddy and you stick with them!  You won't have to keep track of a high head count and you wont have to sleep with both eyes open and your fists wrapped around that shovel you named Smithy and talk to for advice on why the trees are staring at you.  You will have a rock.  In the wild morning doves mate for life.  Once they meet their mate they stick with them until it's the end.  A zombie survivalist must do the same.  A zombie survivalist must embrace their inner morning dove.  There you go....you probably never thought the words zombie and morning dove could be used in the same sentence with out involving decapitation or eating.  That's why you need to heed my advice on how to survive the zombie apocalypse.  It might not be the most clever or detailed, but it's just crazy enough to work!

Trust me...I will have more tips and tricks coming soon, but for now I hope you enjoyed my ideas!  Now excuse me....I need to get my glitter....more on that later ;)

Tootles!  

My Little Fan Fiction - Godzilla Comes to Ponyville!

So as many of you have noticed, I have developed quite the habit of constantly being on hiatus from my blog and my followers. Why?  Well for all of the wrong reasons.  It feels lazy to say I'm tired, cliched to say I'm busy, and annoying to say I've been having a lot of "life" happening as of late. But dang-it, those are the main cards I have to play with right now.  I wish I had a little more time to really do everything with this blog that I dream of doing.  I wish I had time for a lot of the projects I have brewing in my brain.  Hopefully things will start to slow down and I can finally reach out to all of you as often as I would like.  With that said, thank you to everyone who is continuing to come back and take a look around.  Your patience, encouragement, and input means the world to me!

Now, my epic attempt at a terrible fan fiction, because of this discussion:

What better reason could I have?  Only thing is, I want to see if you guys enjoy this before I really get lost in my dedication.  So this is an incomplete story.  If you want me to keep going and write the next part than write it in the comments below.  I really need your opinions! So here we go!  We shall now begin with my very first part of my very first fan fiction!  Gather around boys and girls because today's story is,

"Godzilla Comes to Ponyville" 

By: Mother Patches <3

It was a splendidly crisp day outside Fluttershy's cottage.  The trees were beginning to blush their copper colored faces that welcomed the traditional, though sometimes competitive, running of the leaves.  All of Ponyville would be gathering this very moment at the starting line, either to see their runners off or prepare for their own hikes through the forest.  Fluttershy, on the other-hoof had some very important business to attend to.

"Now remember, Wingston," she softly said to her pudgy robin friend, "you may not be the best flier, but you are smart.  Help your friends find their way south."  

Poor little Wingston ruffled his fluffy coat and hid beneath his twitchy wings.  Faint peep-peeps came from beneath his feathers.  Fluttershy simply smiled and nuzzled her nose against his little head.  "Now there, there Wingston.  You can't always be scared."  She gave him a light nudge.  "You will be wonderful if you just try." The bird popped out from beneath his feathers to smile at her. He looked over his shoulder at all the other bird, feathers every color of a sonic rainboom, ready to take off.  He looked back at Fluttershy, frowning.

"Go on!"  She cheered.  

Wingston whistled a happy tune and fluttered off, leaving the pale yellow pony smiling.  "He was very brave today, wasn't he Angel?"

Angel, Fluttershy's pet bunny was lolling in the planter box outside of Fluttershy's cottage, poking bits of yellowing grass between his buck teeth.  He flicked a blade into Fluttershy's hair and closed his eyes.

"Oh you're right, Angel.  It is your nap time!"  Fluttershy backed away from the bunny quietly.  "I will just follow the birds to the top of the hill.  It won't take long."

"La, la, la!" Fluttershy sang to herself as she pranced to the top of the hill.  The sky was a beautiful clear blue.  Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy's good friend, had been sure to clear the sky for all of her birdy friends before going off to the running of the leaves.  From atop the hill Fluttershy could see all of Ponyville.  Twilight Sparkle's beloved library, Carousel Boutique, Sugarcube Corner, even Sweet Apple Acres were all in her view.  She nearly lost her breath at the beauty of all the trees, still the color of magnificent fire.  She could watch the branches sway for hours.  She loved the scarlets,  pale oranges, and golden yellows.  

"It really does look like fire!"  She said to herself.  Fluttershy took in another deep breath of fall air.  She stopped halfway to cough.  "Oh no!"  She exclaimed.  "The trees really are on fire!"

End of part one....

The Most Inspiring Thing I've Seen in Years - Miley Cyrus of 'We Can't Stop' at the VMAs

I know I made a promise to one of my fellow blogger's that I would write about a requested topic (and trust me that draft is underway) but there was something far too urgent for me to wait to write about.  This morning I was checking my email (as I often do as part of my lazy day ritual) and my concerns were more focused on if an order of deliciously discounted clothes I had purchased and if the package was going to finally arrive today.  Suddenly, as I clicked to logout out of my email, I was flooded with yahoo news declaring that Miley Cyrus had put on a more shocking performance at this years VMAs than even Lady Gaga had turned out.  I, being a curious glutton for punishment decided to embark on an epic quest to see how batty they former Disney brat had decided to swing.  Now keep in mind that I am pretty much disconnected from pop culture and more specifically MTV.  I don't watch cable, I've never seen Jersey Shore (because it will probably make me eat a cyanide cupcake), and my favorite bands are Coheed and Cambria, My Chemical Romance, In This Moment, Nine Inch Nails, and Mars Volta.  I'm not MTVs target audience.  So going into this viewing I knew this wouldn't be for me.  I expected to be outraged, offended, screaming feminist rants, and demanding a refund to my eyes and eyes.  But do you know what....

It was the most inspiring thing I've seen in a very long time. 

Part of why I haven't been writing on this blog is because I have had a wicked case of writers block.  It has been so severe that I find myself either crying or silently raging in frustration.  This has now finally changed.  After watching Miley stick out her tongue out multiple times in a obvious I'm-trying-waaaaay-too-hard fashion, bears dance for no purpose, and a former Disney star stick her face in someone's ass like it was a bouquet of roses, I have become inspired.  I have found my muse. I know what I must do and I want you to see what you must do as well.  

Now I know what you're thinking: "She wants us to protest this!  She wants us to take to the streets, protesting everything this performance stands for!  We need to promote being smart so our little girls don't grow up like this!" and sure those are all fine and dandy thoughts, but there is something more urgent we need to do.  

I am asking you to keep trying.

I can here the collective "HUH?  That's IT!?" Yes, my request is as simple as that.  We need to keep trying.  

At first when I saw Miley come out, tongue lolling out and about, I wanted to give up.  "What's the point in even trying to make art when half-baked-cash grab-shock-for-effect-pieces-of-dung like this are what we as Americans highlight in our society?  Why should I ever both to try and write a beautiful poem or insightful article when they will always been highly overlooked so that pieces of fleshy trash like this can shine?"  But you know what?  I kept thinking (as sane people should try and do in times like these) and I realized "This is why I should keep writing."  And this is why all artists should keep doing what they love."  It’s not from the standpoint that I don't even have to try to be famous or successful!  No.  Artists should do what they love because every-so-often there is someone who looks at the VMAs and goes, "This isn't for me," It's like I said before, I am not the audience for this performance.  This wasn't made to please me.  Something about this has made some people happy, but there are still plenty of other people that I can make happy too.

That is why Miley Cyrus’s performance is inspiring. If you keep you objective goggles on something can make you hate it but still have a positive impact on you.  

Perhaps this is a bit about optimism too.  I certainly have been afraid before that my own writing is pointless because it’s not changing the world. I realize now though that when we reach out to the world chances are there are few people our art will impact.  I know my blog is never going to reach the fame of Miley Cyrus, the VMAs, or any major pop culture sensation, but I have my few faithful followers that I know enjoy reading my work.  Honestly, that is all I need.

I once heard someone say that art is not done to please the artist, but to please the audience.  If Miley Cyrus is what pleases you, then by all means, keep reaching out to see and hear her art (yes I will use the word art).  Art makes an impact on the individuals who views it and Miley Cyrus's performance sure impacted me.  It reminded me that there is an audience for everything and even though I may never become famous or leave as large of an impact as I hope to, at least I managed to make a few people happy along the way.  I hope you too will be just as inspired as I am.  Keep trying, guys and gals, keep trying.

You're art means more than you'll ever know.

Tootles <3

P.S. Here is the performance if you want to watch. 

Attack of the Rainbow Cupcakes

Within the last month I've moved into my own place.  Needless to say it has been a huge transition filled with lot of unpacking, sorting and cleaning.  Between that and a new job my time is pretty taken up.  Thankfully, I have had time to unwind every-so-often, but I often find myself trying to be doubly productive.  As a result, I have taken a shine to baking.  I saw something similar on a baking show I love (that I will talk in more detail about later)  What more can I say then "I love cupcakes!" Thought I owe you all something fun!  Hope you enjoy the pictures!

I just took a box cake mix and separated it.  From there I added food coloring to each section and pour them in the cupcake liners one on top of the other.  Let me know if you'd like me to come up with more baking projects to show you.  

Babbles of a Fangirl - Why I Might Boycott TMNT

This isn't the first time I've put in my two cent in about Michael Bay's production of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  If you'd like to catch up with my thoughts, visit here

As you might have noticed, I was one of the very few who decided to give Bay a chance after he released the detail that our turtle buddies were going to be, in fact, alien creatures.  And hey, with recent developments, he actually announced there would be NO ALIENS IN HIS MOVIE!  This was a ray of hope amongst so much bad. I called for Bay to give us something encouraging, a spark of hope amongst so much fanboy doubt, but instead he's gave us this.... 

Megan Fox is on track to play April O'Neil in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie....

Get it out now, kiddies

I've really tried my best to collect my thoughts on this subject.  At first I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs "BAY YOU'VE FINALLY TAKEN THIS TOO FAR!" I wanted to jump up and down, screaming like a little girl about how my childhood was being stabbed in the face, but I soon realized I needed to step back from this anger and identify why I was so upset.

Was I mad that my choice for April was being overlooked?
In all honestly yes.  Let's be honest, there has never been a casting in a modern take on a nerd franchise that was not met with opposition.  

Case and point

....and again

Despite these qualms (in less extreme cases) we have found bliss with many of the movies with love.  Still, are these jeers valid?  To be honest, sometimes not.  I'm not going to be bitter that April was not played by the actress of my choosing because guess what?  I didn't have anyone in mind.   Which leads me to my next theory for why I'm upset.

Was I mad at the choice of Megan Fox?

After thinking about this I decided, not really.  I'm really not familiar enough with Megan Fox's performances to judge her as an actress.  I remember her being the villain in some Lindsey Lohan movie that no one remembers and of course I remember her as being that half naked chick in Transformers.  I soon decided that it really wasn't much to go off of as far as reasons to place hatred go.  Sure I disagree with girls who jump head first into the sex symbol category, but then again, why shouldn't girls be proud of their bodies either?  I guess that bring me to my next internal question.

Was I mad at what hiring Megan Fox was insinuating for what April will become?

Let's face it kiddies, Megan Fox is known best for one thing.  Not for her talent as an actress (though I'm sure opinions on that vary), not for her work as a speaker-- no Megan Fox is know for this....

[Insert all your dirty thoughts here and NOT my comment section]

Is this really what people want April to be?  There are many variations on what April has been throughout the years.  A reporter, a scientist, a girl with the ability to kick butt.  But a sex symbol?

See the difference?

Am I making myself clear yet?  April is supposed to be the every girl.  She was our link as normal people into this fantastical word.  I could connect with her because she was just an average girl with average looks who managed to become something special.  Hollywood is losing focus on making a real connect between a movies characters and their audience.  By making April look so beyond the norm it is making the movie too far fetch and hard to reach.  Granted I understand that a movie about giant turtles in the adolescents is not exactly easy to make relatable, but we have seen them do it before, haven't we?  

I'm sorry, Bay.  I really want to love this movie.  I keep giving you a chance, but can you please make April something real.  We need ground in the real world to help us reach out.  Something familiar to remind us of home.  Thoughts?  Babble is over.

Xoxo

I'm a Princess....FINALLY!

All hail Princess_____?

Well I finally did it.  I became a Princess.  But not just any Princess, one worthy of being kidnapped by the Ice King himself!  My sister shared a link with me not too long ago that allowed me to make the transformation.  Go check it out if you are any sort of fan of paper doll-esqe games!  I certainly was a major fan of these things when I was little and I'm happy to say it is one passion I have yet to grow out of!  (Prepare for link in 3....2....1)

Adventure Time Princess Maker --by spacecoma

I have really been getting into Adventure Time lately, especially now that it's entire first season is up for watching on Netflix.  It's just a blissful way to waste a day while still feeling like your using some shred of imagination.  I will probably make a top 5 list of my favorite episodes from the first season once I watch them all.  In the meantime, I need your help!  What should my new Princess name be?

And yes...I know I promised reviews on the Walking Dead video game....it is underway!

Until then....tootles!

I'm Playing a Video Game?!

[Insert apology about being on hiatus again]

Annnnndd.....we move on.

So you know how there are some people who have ready everything about Mona Lisa that they've become experts on it?  They study all the books, they know all the methods and thoughts that went into it's creation.  Heck- they might even be experts on all art in that era just to understand how big of a impact the Mona Lisa had on the world of art then and now.  But let's add to this idea that this expert has never seen the Mona Lisa in person.  Sure, they've seen copies or pictures in books, but they have yet to ever see the painting face to face.  This might automatically hurt this person's creditability no matter how extensive their knowledge is, because they don't have the full background to pump their knowledge up.  Well this is how my relationship with video games has always been.  I have researched video games for a long time now.  I've read and watched a lot of videos that give me both the history of video games and where they might just go in the future.  Still, and let's be frank here, I rarely play video games due to one simple fact, I suck at playing.

That is, until The Walking Dead game came along.

Once upon a time my boyfriend, with the help of my brother-in-law decided to build a fancy new computer.  This would finally allow him to play many of the games he had been missing out on in the last couple of years.  I, being the typical weary girlfriend, was curious to see if any of the games he would be playing would be what I like to call "Soul Suckers".  I'm talking about your Wows or LOLs, you know, the type of games that take an individual deep into the depths of Hades for all eternity. So when he downloaded Skyrim I was relieved because for some reason I find this game very none threatening.  He found a few other games like Witcher 2 and so on where I silently gave my blessing.  Then he told me about a game called "The Walking Dead" and I didn't know what to think.  I had heard of the television show, but if you know me than you'll understand that I do not handle the concept of zombies well.  The idea of being dead, mindless, and out of control of your own body (the one thing in this world that SHOULD be yours) terrifies to the point of many a sleepless night.

Here's my main man, Spike, to demonstrate my usual reaction

So when my boyfriend said, "Try it, I think you'll like it."  This was my reaction: 

No witty caption needed, the face says ALL!

But then he told me it was like Heavy Rain.  Look back at my earlier reviews, like waaaaaaay back, and you'll know how much I enjoyed Heavy Rain.  My interest was starting to peak, but still, I remember my boyfriend having to hit the controller with his nose because that game required him to hit so many buttons at once.  I don't have that kind of coordination....but then  he told me this game was on a computer (DUH to silly me!) and not a console and would therefore be boatloads easier to play.  

You want to know what I did?  I started playing.  He left to go to work, arming me with the most basic of instructions on how to use the controls, make decisions, and progress through the game.  You want to know what the one afternoon with that game did to me? 

Hook, line, and sink.

I was eventually screaming at the zombies approaching me in the game, yelling "Bull Sh**!" at the top of my lungs when I died, and (most importantly) having fun.  I'm for probably the first time in my life genuinely enjoying playing a video game.

Now not only does this game allow me easy controls for my less than agile hands, but it has a deep storyline that has always been one of my key draws to video games.  I get to make important decisions but am not always penalized for being too slow with the mouse.  In many ways, this game is the perfect introduction for me down the gaming rabbit hole.  I intend to see if this becomes my gateway drug or if this is simple one of those rare games to not only get my interest, but not lose me for my lack of skill.  

And this is where a new chapter will begin for all of us here at The Patchwork Nerd.  I am introducing a new series of articles I'd like to call "The Dead Diaries".  This will be both my confession to how I feel about this game but my thoughts on what it's like to go from a backseat gamer, so a fully loaded driver.  The articles will be produced at the mercy of when I find time to play the game.  I will also be doing my best to sprinkle in more regular articles about my typical content.  I hope you guys will all enjoy and take a nice long walk to the dead side with me.

Oh....and I've already had a friend warn me that this game might make me cry....so be ready for that too!

Now excuse me, I'm going to blissfully stroll back to this game to bash some skulls....

My badass strolling

I missed you guys ^_^

Tootles!