Patchwork Thoughts - Fighting Your Inner Grumpy Cat

Yesterday morning I was in a good mood.  I sat down to write an overdo blog and the oddest thing happened - everything I wrote was grumpy.  "Grr....my webcam sucks!  I need a camera!  Cameras are expensive!"  I brooded.  "RAWR!  I'm so nervous about NaNoWriMo starting Sunday!  Bahhh!"  I sneered.  It was only two paragraphs long and I was still planning to publish it.  My mouse hung over the "Publish" button and I couldn't bring myself to click it.  I thought it was just a wave of laziness washing over me because I was up too late last night.  I closed my computer, certain I would publish it by lunchtime.

And then I started doing some internet surfing.  The usual volley of bad world stuff started crashing in.  Bacon is going to kill you.  Conversion discussion for and against harassment were cancelled due to threats.  SAD THINGS!  BAD THINGS!  MAD THINGS!

....and then I decided to make a new article.

Today is a great day!  I know that sounds sappy but it's true.  I'm honestly tired of being grumpy and anxiety ridden.  Granted, anxiety isn't something merely banished by the clapping of hands but it sure as hell gets easier to deal with when you look at the positives.

Let's look at the positives!  

I think that's the advice I'm going to shoehorn into NaNo inspiration right now, you need to look at the positives.  We are probably going to be feeling very grumpy in a few weeks and we need to learn to be happy right now!  We don't have to master happiness, we just need to surrond ourselves with good thoughts to help us push through.  I have a half day at work.  I'm going to get my house clean.  My puppy is snoring next to me right now.  My husband shaved!  Now take those happy little things and store them like a big ball of light in your chest.  Keep them glowing slightly throughout the day to keep you in a nice lull of happy.  Something go wrong?  Bust open that little ball and let the light fill you completely.  Do this every day for the month of November.  Every morning wake up, make a mental or physical list of little good things in your life and save them for when you get really grump about your story.  Know that times are going to suck, but at the end of the month you are going to have a really, really happy thought to use: YOU WROTE A FREAKING BOOK!

Yay?

Yay!

What positives are you going to store up for November?

Patchwork Thoughts: #NaNoWriMo Nerves

It's getting close.  There are only two weeks and some change left until NaNoWriMo officially starts.  From there, I don't know what will happen.  Will I write 50,000 words?  Will I get 30 pages into my story and realize it's a complete snooze fest?  Will I write the next great American novel?  I have been running these questions frequently through my head, as if mulling it over one more time will give me a clear view of the future.  I've been known to over think, well...everything in my life and this is no exception.  So for the sake of piece of mind lets talk about some writing fears and what we can do as a team to combat it!

1. I don't think I'm going to reach my word goal!

The point of NaNoWriMo is to get to 50,000 words by the end of November, but I've been encouraging my friends to just make a goal and not worry about the 50,000 if it seems to daunting.  I on the other hand, have made it my actual goal to write 50,000 words in 30 days.  I'm hoping that have a very strict time frame will force me to just sit down, get over my anxieties and just write the damn thing.  I think that is the key to dealing with your goal achieving worries, just write.  You have a much better chance of getting there if you just write.  Also, I'm finding the energy of other contagious.  When I'm feeling discouraged I watch a youtube video about NaNo or go on twitter and follow people who are participating.  This community makes me feel a whole lot better and as if I can achieve anything.

2.  What if my story sucks?

I have made a really detailed outline for my story, but do you know what?  It still has a lot of wiggle room in it.  I did that so that I can add more action if the pace seems dull and also, it supplies me with escape routes if I get dissatisfied with what I've done. If you feel like you story is weak, take an escape route and try a new direction.  Just because you veer off the path doesn't mean you won't make it to your end goal, you will just be taking a different route!

3. Is this going to be good enough to publish?

When I was in third grade I decided I wanted to be an author when I grew up.  I proceeded to complete only 2 stories in my young adulthood but started and stopped about 50 stories.  Why?  I constantly asked myself (yes even as an elementary school student) is this good enough to publish?  I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be perfect and to only write things that could someday be published.  The result?  Nothing was ever good enough and I have yet to publish anything.  You need to write for the sake of practicing sometimes and not everything needs to be publishing quality.  Deep down the point of writing should be that you have something to say and you need to get it out.  Of course having readers for your work is fantastic, but you need to write for yourself.  You need to write because it makes you happy, not because it will a hit.  First find happiness and then you can worry about success.  It's what I'm still striving for everyday.

What are you worried about for NaNoWriMo?  Or what are you worried about in general?

Tootles!
Xoxo!!!!

Patchwork Thoughts - Adulting

Ugh....ugh....ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Bills to pay, ovens to fix, light bulbs burning out, laundry needing folding, interviews, resumes....I've been adulting pretty hard the last few weeks. I keep finding myself paniked, wondering how on earth I am going to keep up with NaNoWriMo when I have a day job and responsibilities at home.  My husband is a first year teacher and it's taking so much out of him but he's loving every moment.  To make his life easier, I've been trying to pick up the slack but I'm just getting out of the busy season of my work and I am FINALLY not having to do 6 day work weeks anymore.  There is just so much time and so little to do!  Wait...ugh I'm too tired, just keep that last sentence.

And I know I could be doing dishes instead of carving my Halloween pumpkin and watching Scream Queens last night.  I just need a break.  I think I'm going to need to get in the habit of regularily waking up at 5:00 a.m. to write my story for NaNoWriMo or else I will risk being too tired everyday when I get home from work.  I'm thinking about announcing to my friends right before November my intentions for the month, but will they really understand what I'm doing and the commitment I'm making?  Luckily I have a few members of my writers group joining me on this crazy November adventure.  I'm getting pumped.  Listening to others excitement about NaNoWriMo is getting me excited!

OH!  And you should totally join me and be my writing buddy!  Go to nanowrimo.org, create an account, and search for me under Alexandra VanHorn.

I promise some normal, nerdy articles are coming.  It's just that talking about this goal has been so important in making me fully commit to it.  My worst fear is that November will come, I will write 500 words, throw my hands up and go, "Nope!  Too much going on!"  I need this to work.  I need to do this.

My pup is snoring.  Lol!

Tootles!
Xoxo!!!!

Patchwork Babbles - #NaNoPrep & Vlogging

My muse

Yesterday I participated in my first NaNoWriMo discussion on Twitter!  It was featuring the topic of #NaNoPrep and discussing how everyone was preparing their stories for the quickly approaching month of November!  I was so surprised how many people actually had real discussions with me and even started following as a result of those discussions!  It really does go to show you how important team building is for NaNoWriMo because just chatting about my writing for that short 15 minutes or so that I joined in really got me excited and pumped for writing.  That makes sense, since my writers group has been giving me the same energy as well when it comes to getting excited about writing.  It is so crucial to be excited about your writing and to have others be excited sure as hell helps!  We went over how detailed of outlines we were creating, the music we use to get inspired, etc....and I adored every moment of it!   I need a sharped eye for when these discussions are taking place because this was really the boost I needed to get excited about writing again.

Which brings me to my second topic: vlogs.  Yesterday, in all my flurries of excitement, I threw it out there that I've been very interested in creating vlogs for NaNoWriMo and wanted to know if that interested anyone out there.  Instead of being met with silence, I actually had people interested!  I still have a long way to go with my editing skills and I desperately need a camera better than my pathetic web camera on my laptop, but I super inthralled with the idea of vlogging my journey.  I noticed vloggers I follow who vlogged during NaNoWriMo were able to build much larger writing communities to discuss and write with!  I would love to build my own circle of fellow writers and I feel like youtube would be a great platform to reach out! Would any of you be interested in that?  I guess it would be similar to these articles, just a bit more personal with you know...my face? Haha!

Ugh...got to head off to the "real world" and do some adulting.  Maybe someday I will do this for a living?

Xoxo!!!!

Tootles!

Patchwork Thoughts - Losing "It"?

It hit me for the first time yesterday....a strong desire NOT to write.  I knew that I was running on a steam that could only last so long, I just am trying not to panic.  Being the rational, mature adult I am I automatically thought that my desire had left my body for good.  Like inspiration  is a balloon tethered to my wrist and one gust of wind could snap the string and send it floating away from me.  That's just silly (the idea not the metaphor).  My inspiration is probably just tried right now.  I'm getting close to completion of my works busy time and it has been fast but exhausting.  My husband is a first year teacher, so he's tried too.  Our dog, Willie, well that little guy is always tired when there isn't space to sprint.  We are in a tired house.  The dishes need doing, the laundry is piling up, and pup fluff needs to be vacuumed from the carpet.  Life is happening, so my fantasy worlds are taking a back seat.

I finished the outline for my NaNoWriMo novel a while back.  Upon letting it sit I've started to fear that it's too quiet and boring.  That I haven't put enough action or things happening in it.  But another this hit me, it's a first draft outline.  Well, to be fair more like a third draft, but it's a DRAFT.  I have very vague descriptions that could easily evolve into multiple chapters.  My outlines were even less detailed when I was a kid.  I usually would just write the chapter number and put initials to represent the characters featured in the scene.  Everything else was locked away in my head.  Also, there is research about my setting I have yet to get off my ass and do.  Most of the time I stay vague with settings to avoid headaches and homework.  Unfortunately, my brain decided on a very specific location and unless I can convince my husband we should honeymoon there, I need to hit the internet.

Ugh...it's time to get ready for work.  Hopefully this dry spell is nothing more than a temporary need for creative refueling.  If it isn't, then I will just need to kick myself harder to I'm ready for November!

Sorry this is a short one...you know....inspiration struggle is real.

Xoxo

Tootles!

Babbles of a Fan Girl - I'm A Hufflepuff and I'm Proud

I'm sure you've already guessed today's topic based off of the title.  Before you start snickering into the sunset, I'd like you pause and actually read what I have to say: I am a Hufflepuff and I'm goddamn proud of that!  This wasn't something that I easily came to terms with either.  As a child I always thought I'd be a Gyffindor simply because that was the house Harry Potter was in.  When I got older, I thought I'd be a Ravenclaw because I've always been creative and a good student. And then came Pottermore and everything changed.  I took the sorting test very seriously.  I read and re-read the questions over and over, trying to decide the best and most truthful answers.  I submitted these carefully mused answers and.....

Yeah, I took it there.

Hufflepuff.

Hufflepuff....

HUFFLEPUFF?!?!

My husband bursted out laughing (Yes, I made him take the test and he's a Gryffindor).  I was actually ready to cry, real tears.  I couldn't be a HUFFLEPUFF, there was no way!  Hufflepuff was the boring house.  Hufflepuff was the house of wet blankets.  Hufflepuff never really stood out at any point in the books.  This wasn't happening.  I had to have answered wrong!

I quickly took the internet to do some more research (like the true Ravenclaw I thought I was) about this strange little house. Upon doing some research I learned something: I really am a Hufflepuff, through and through, and that's not a bad thing.

I have always been ridiculously loyal to people and rules....I'm lawful neutral....what do you expect?   If you give me a rule and tell me to follow it I will understand that boundary.  And don't start saying I'm a blind follower, please.  If the rule is to punch every person with freckles I can use my mind to figure out that that rule might not be worth my time.  I'm talking more about attendance and other rules that help keep structure.  I usually get to work early and sit in my car until it's time to start (That's the Felicia Day in me!).

The Hufflepuff's are hardworking and I'm proud to be part of that too!  Sure I don't work as hard as I should, but when it's time to buckle down I crank my work out.  Sure were are not the smartest, boldest, or proudest but we are happy being who we are and not boasting about it!  I hate bragging and it actually takes practice for me to "show off".  We play by the rules and will give you all the time in the worlds to learn them!  We will be the first to jump when you need help and the last to leave you after a hard day of work. (Notice the use of "we" all of a sudden?)

I think it's time that Hufflepuff got some respect!  And according to the supreme goddess herself, J.K. Rowling, this is going to be "...the dawn of the Age of the Hufflepuff." thanks to the upcoming release of the movie "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them", where the lead character, Newt Scamander, is a Hufflepuff!  We have Tonks, we have Cedric, and now we have our own movie!  I agree, this is the dawn of the Age of the Hufflepuff, and I'm so excited to start blazing this trail!

So here I go:  I am a Hufflepuff and I'm proud!

^_^

Patchwork Thoughts - Short Stories

The other day I was playing with a new program I got called Scrivener and the funniest thing happened: a short story fell out of me.  It was very much akin to how a woman doesn't know she is pregnant until the pink blob is halfway out of her and screeching for a damn nipple and decent health care.  I didn't know it was in me, but once it was nearly out I felt so obligated to have it out completely. Horrible metaphors aside, I wrote a pleasant little story and I had fun writing it.  It all came from a random sentence I wrote simply to fill a space.  Upon writing that sentence, it hit me: this could actually be a story!  2,000 words later, "An Incident with a Gargoyle" was born!

I decided to man up and read my story at my writers group the other day. I found something oddly therapeutic about reading my story out loud. Like I was hearing for the first time that my stories don't always suck and I may actually have some talent with this thing I've been wanting to do since 3rd grade.  I really could be an author someday if I keep this up.  I finished reading my story and it was met by the polite "That was good"'s and one of my favorite compliments ever: "You write crazy very well!"

I've completed a measly total of three short stories this past year but I'm proud of each of them.  It's very hard for me to write a story without completely investing myself deep within it.  So far two stories have been created by one part a crazy idea and one part the perfect writing music.  Sia will be deemed my muse of 2015.  The other story came from a random impulse and a true desire to write.  That has made me very excited.  I have a desire to write, something that has escaped me for a few years now.  I am writing and enjoying the process again.  I'm not seeing it as an obligation.  I've come to love short stories because they are like sprints through fun ideas.  Now, I just need to get up the courage to actually try and publish them.  But where to start?

I hope I can write one short story every month in 2016.  I think that's fairly realistic, no?  At the end of the year, I will have 12 new friends, each as deranged as the next (I write crazy well, remember?).  I'm still working on this "setting goals for myself" thing and so far I'm not doing too horrible.  I'm writing at least one blog per week, often a belated second quickly after, and I am still drafting and prepping for NaNoWrimo.  I would share my stories hear, but I'm horribly paranoid about theft (you can blame some nasty middle school experiences for that) so I am afraid you will have to wait until I figure out the whole "publishing" thing first.

I wonder if I have another short story somewhere in me this evening?  I should be doing job applications but I'm still doing the "reevaluating my life" thing.  Yay?

Tootles!
Xoxo